My mind, it drifts off to places I don't want to remember. I don't want to remember the sad times in my life, I know that sounds wrong, but the heart ache from the sadness is more than I was to remember. it's there, it defined who i am, and it tags along to who I am going to be. I normally can keep the pain in check, but now it is slow creeping up and showing itself. The sadness and the regret of life, I don't want to have it here, I want to be free from that pain and continue on.
Day after day I think about everything I have been through. At what point will the pain, the grief and the suffering stop. I just want the pain to stop.
Billy asked me something in reference to another person earlier. I said that people do what they do sometimes because that is what makes them happy. Then some times they do what they do so no one see the pain.
Press remember that the outward appearance is not always a true reflection.
I can never go back to what was, even though life was so simple. The choices and the paths that brought me to where I am have taught me many things, though we long for more and better things, the things that are best are what we had but did not cheerish. And as I sit here longing for what I no longer have I must try to remember to love what it here.
To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven:
I have spent many days, months and years trying to share the heart ache that I went through from my daughter death, just to maybe give one person some peace.
I try never to give false hope, for I have learned for myself, the pain will last until you die. There are days that life goes on as it should, you can laugh and smile, but then there are the others. The days when the pain of your child's deaths, even years later hits you, leaving you feeling as though you have lost your breath.
Today is one of those days for me. The short time of her life so long ago now seems to have broken down to a few quick flashes of memories in my mind. Each year less and less of my child remains in my mind. For the longest time I could recall ever bit of her life, and every moment from her death.
I try so hard to be strong, to not show my emotions. Because when I break, it does not just take a moment to recover from the heart ache, it takes what seems forever.
It becomes larger than my daughter, it rolls over into ever aspect of my world, and consumes my emotions.
Years never make the world better, it is a scar that will always be there.
There are few things that will get me into an uproar, messing with my children & acting in a rude or hostile manner to others when there is no merit are two. I have raised my children to believe that we need to be at peace with our life and our actions. We need to resolve conflicts peacefully and at the end of the day, remember that we must still be able to believe and respect yourself.
All of my children have taken on my views of love is love, there should never be a boundary dividing someones love. My younger daughter stood up the other day to defend someone that stepped out to express their love for another person. The peaceful action created a hissy, and began a Web that I know will start a fire with many of our family members and friends and I understand that.
I no longer discuss religion or politics on Facebook, but I will defend my children with ever ounce of strength I have.
If you want to have a religious or political debate with me outside of facebook, bring it on. I will be civil and peaceful, can you?
Get over it, gay marriage is accepted by many people, who cares if you don't agree, if someone loves some one else, give up the fight, and realize and share the love that God had given to you time and time again. You are and never will be perfect, so until you are - back off and leave my children alone and their decisions to love people regardless of any stupid boundaries that society had at one time set.
No matter who my children decide to love, they will always have my love and support, and nothing will take that away.
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~☆ At some point in your life you will realize life has no great reward for finishing, the reward is what you make as you live each day-. J Stiles☆~
Waking up day after day, going through each and every motion, but not appreciating what is there. Do you ever sit there and think wow, I never noticed that before, I have seen that a thousand times but I never appreciated it.